Today
It's just one of those days that everything seems darker. Lights seem to have lost their way of making a room brighter, as if my eyes refuse to look at the world around them. I wonder if this is because you are gone, and have been gone for longer than I can remember. Missing you is not the right word for the things I am feeling right now, this seems to go much deeper than just missing. Some people might say that you have taken a part of me with you that I need to be complete, but that belongs in fairytales if you ask me. Yet there might be more truth to those words than I am willing to admit. It feels different though, because all these parts of me don't even belong to myself anymore. They have belonged to you for ages, and you've taken care of them so well. And how can I blame you for taking something that was already yours, willingly given?
And even though I realize all of this, I cannot seem to mind. I like knowing that I belong to you. That I belong with you, and you with me. This doesn't bring you back though, and the waiting will just get worse and worse, I know this. So maybe I'll just have to live in this world that is so much less bright without you. Go about my daily business as I've always done. Because you will return.
Tomorrow
I wonder if today is going to be any better. This burning I feel within me constantly, will it have died down or will it burn even more, singe me from deep within. Of course I know the answer already, and as I look onto the little screen of my telephone I will soon enough realize that you're still not here. The place next to me is empty, cold and deserted. You're not there to hold me, not there to say something mean. Not there to trace your finger down my skin just to see the goosebumps come up. Not there to smile that lazy smile that you only smile when you've just woken up. Not there to pout that perfect little pout when I tell you you're not getting your way. Not there at all.
It's at moments like these that I can grasp fully how much I've become used to happiness. How I've become addicted to these little moments of pure bliss that speckle my days whenever I'm with you. Do I tell you enough about all these things I love about you I wonder now, do you know everything I'm feeling and missing right now? I've been spoiled these past times, spoiled rotten, and as any child presented with so much greatness I've not bothered to say thank you enough. I'll remember to tell you as soon as you return.
Wednesday
The tingles are going to be running down my spine, butterflies fighting amongst themselves in my stomach, I can already imagine. That nervous feeling of anticipation, the trembling in my fingers when thinking of seeing that oh so familiar face. Of course you're going to look even better than in my memories, the sun will have probably gave you that tan I've been craving. I'm already thinking about that moment I see you walking, and the moment that you spot me. Will we do one of those dramatic movie-scenes... of course not. You'll act cool, calm and distant as ever, but I won't mind even the slightest bit. It will be like the tension that has been building up inside of me will finally have a place to project itself onto, you. I'll have you to hold. You to kiss and touch. I'll have you to tell all the things that have been happening and you to listen to. Later, I will have you to cuddle up to, and you to look at. My fingers will feel your skin and my heart will be whole again. Cause you'll have returned.